when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize