I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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