CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
