that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
