This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
