youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
