I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
