I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Pants are for mortals
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
