Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize