Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I didn't notice because vodka
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm sobbing to NWA
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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