2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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