So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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