it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
