I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
