So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
