Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
