why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
