I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
