I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize