Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
