We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
im on a boat
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