I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
