Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
