I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
