she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
