Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
