I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you didnt know i had herpes?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
