Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
