Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
