I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
