dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
