it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
