Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
