yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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