Dual....:-)
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
