what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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