That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
