She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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