He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
