Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I will pee on everything he values.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
