Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
