Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
