I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize