Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
