Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
