Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
