Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
