so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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