maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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