My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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