we have officially lost it.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
