I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
