That's when you crack a 10am beer
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
