Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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