The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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