At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize