it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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