so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
