Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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