I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
