Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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