Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
