i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
