I accidentally had phone sex last night
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
