Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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