real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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