I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
