he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
