i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
