I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize