it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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