She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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