I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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