I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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