don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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