the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
