i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
